Sunday, July 28, 2013

Thoughts and sometimes a little more

It didn't come so difficult for me to pen down things I want to say. Probably procrastination, busy(just excuses) or there's too much I don't know where to start so I just let things go by.

School has reopened(boohoo!) sleep decrease, play/relax time decrease and every other things like stress, workload blah blah increases. Sian I know!1 more year till I graduate and I have to start thinking, researching and planning what I would want to do in the future already. I think the part that made me stress is that I have  not received my previous semester's results and not knowing how I fair makes me very anxious and scared.

I need to change myself about being indecisive. Sometimes I asked for too much that I might go overboard, yet sometimes I hold back and tolerate too much. I would ask myself if this is really what I want. If it's not what I want but afraid of the changes makes me hold back. I hate myself for not knowing what I want and this is very frustrating. People say things will slowly fall into place but I might not be patient enough to see the end effect. See? So problematic  right. I really think I'm quite hard to please. Not sure if it's because of my character or if it's a habit that can be corrected. I don't see how good or not good this can be.

I fantasized a little more and ask for a lot more too. Do you really love me like that? I may portray certain level of confidence but I usually am not. Can I really believe makes everything so dubious. I'm torturing myself with such often senseless thoughts. I need to make myself a happier person.

Not asking for any empathy, just that I need to one day read this again and see how much I've did done better.

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